Why Kids Say "I Don’t Know" After School and How to Foster Better Conversations
- Erika Gilmore
- Feb 18
- 4 min read
If you’ve ever asked your child, “What did you do at school today?” and received the answer, “I don’t know,” you’re not alone. This response can feel frustrating or confusing, but it’s not a sign that your child is being difficult or secretive. Instead, it reveals how children’s brains process information differently from adults. Understanding this can help you support your child in sharing more about their day and strengthen your connection.
Why Kids Often Say “I Don’t Know” After School
When adults think about their day, they naturally organize events in order: first this happened, then that, and so on. Kids, especially those in elementary school, don’t yet have the brain development to do this easily. Their ability to recall events in sequence, summarize experiences, and express feelings is still growing.
When you ask a broad question like “What did you do at school?” your child’s brain faces a big task. They have to sort through many different moments: recess, lessons, interactions with friends, feelings, and even small wins or frustrations. This can feel overwhelming.
Instead of trying to organize all these details, their nervous system often chooses the simplest response: “I don’t know.” This isn’t because they don’t want to talk or are trying to avoid you. It’s because their brain doesn’t yet know how to put all those pieces together into a clear answer.
How Children Think Differently From Adults
Children’s thinking is more visual and sensory than verbal. They remember moments as pictures, feelings, or short experiences rather than long stories or summaries. For example, a child might remember the fun of swinging at recess or the frustration of a tricky math problem, but not the entire sequence of the day.
This means that open-ended questions can feel too big or vague. Kids need more specific, simple prompts that match how their brains work. Visual aids, drawings, or worksheets can help them express what they experienced without needing to organize it all into words immediately.
Visual prompts help children share their school day in a way that fits how they think.
What Parents Often Worry About and Why It’s Not Defiance
Many parents wonder if their child is hiding something or shutting them out when they hear “I don’t know.” The truth is most children want to share but need help doing it. They are not being defiant or secretive.
Children’s brains are still developing the skills to:
Recall events in order
Summarize experiences
Put feelings into words
Connect cause and effect
Without these skills fully developed, it’s hard for kids to answer broad questions. They need support to express themselves in ways that feel natural and manageable.
Practical Ways to Help Kids Share About Their Day
To encourage better conversations, try these strategies that match how children’s brains work:
Use Specific, Simple Questions
Instead of asking “What did you do at school?” try questions like:
What was your favorite part of today?
Did anything make you happy or sad?
Who did you play with at recess?
What’s one thing you learned today?
These questions focus on one small piece of the day, making it easier to answer.
Use Visual Aids and Worksheets
Worksheets with pictures and simple prompts can guide children to reflect on their day. For example, a daily reflection worksheet might include:
At school I felt: ___
Because of: ___
Something I did well: ___
Next time I want to: ___
This approach helps kids connect feelings and experiences without needing to tell a long story.
Encourage Drawing or Storytelling
Some children express themselves better through drawing or telling short stories. Invite your child to draw a picture of their day or tell you about one moment they remember. This can open the door to more conversation.
Share Your Own Day
Model sharing by telling your child about your day in simple terms. This shows them how to organize and express experiences and makes conversation a two-way street.
Examples of How This Works in Real Life
Emma, age 7, often said “I don’t know” when asked about school. Her mom started asking, “What made you smile today?” Emma began sharing small moments, like playing tag or a funny joke from class.
Liam, age 9, used a daily reflection worksheet with pictures and simple prompts. This helped him connect feelings to events, and he started opening up about challenges and successes at school.
Sophia’s dad shared his day first every afternoon. Sophia felt more comfortable sharing because she saw how to describe her experiences.
Why This Matters for Your Relationship With Your Child
When children feel supported in sharing their day, it builds trust and connection. They learn that their feelings and experiences matter and that you want to listen. This strengthens your relationship and helps your child develop important communication skills.
Helping your child move beyond “I don’t know” takes patience and understanding. By asking specific questions, using visual tools, and modeling sharing, you can turn after-school conversations into meaningful moments. These small steps create a foundation for open communication that will grow as your child’s brain develops.
A Fun, Brain-Friendly Way to Help Kids Share About Their Day
To make after-school conversations easier (and more enjoyable), I created a kid-friendly daily reflection worksheet that turns “I don’t know” into meaningful connection.
Instead of big overwhelming questions, kids are guided through simple visual prompts like:
At school I felt: ___
Because of: ___
Something I did well: ___
Next time I can: ___
I need help with: ___
Draw or write anything else you want to share
The worksheet includes:
✔️ Feeling visuals
✔️ Coping skill options
✔️ Common school topics (friends, teacher, homework, recess, etc.)
✔️ Space to draw — because many kids express best through pictures
This gives kids a tangible, concrete way to share their world — without pressure.
Why Visual Tools Work So Well for Kids
When children can:
Circle
Draw
Point
Choose pictures
their brain feels safer and less overwhelmed.
It:
✔️ Improves emotional awareness
✔️ Builds communication skills
✔️ Reduces shutdown responses
✔️ Strengthens parent-child connection
And most importantly…
It makes sharing feel fun and not like an interrogation.
Want to Try the School Day Reflection Worksheet?
This short, engaging worksheet is perfect for:
✔️ After school check-ins
✔️ Bedtime reflection
✔️ Emotional regulation practice
✔️ Strengthening communication
✔️ Kids who struggle to talk about feelings
It takes just a few minutes, but can open the door to powerful conversations.
Check the tool out here!
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